Going Alone: A Hope For Single Moms

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. – James 1:5

Mommy guilt officially took over my heart. I called my kids and treated them to Chick-fil-a twice that week in hopes that would ease the guilt I felt for not being present enough that week. I work a 9-5 and run a non-profit so my time is split between those two obligations and my children. I frequently worry I’m missing out on important moments in their life especially now that they are both transitioning into the preteen and teenage phases. How do I balance all of this and still make room for “self care”? Plus, how can I forget the important roles I also play in my home church?

I know many moms can relate with having too much on one’s plates. I know we moms are often running on fumes, trying to get it all done. A married woman has to make sure her time is well-allocated between her kids and her husband. Single moms, like me, have to play both the roles of mom and dad. I know all moms just wear the cape and I believe God has graced all of us for this particular role.

As a single mom, and I never thought I would ever hold that title. While I know I cannot change the past, and just focus on moving forward I still see being a single mom a bit more difficult as I raise my two children in a one-parent home compared to a two-parent home whereas tasks can be delegated between two parents. This is my reality, going alone, doing solo. I have to step up my game to compensate for what my kids might be lacking.

But you know what? Part of what makes God awesome is that my situation is no surprise to Him at all. That’s why I can easily go to Him with all that I am, even with the pain I have missing out on my children’s milestones. I prayed for help with bills, I prayed for my future spouse (If that’s in His will for my life), and I prayed for strength. However, I never prayed for wisdom to navigate through this journey of single motherhood.  I never really prayed about how to be a single mom. It’s just that I accepted the defeated thoughts the enemy placed in my mind. I accepted the lack of time management as the norm. I accepted all of the stigma associated with being a single mom. We are meant to struggle, we’re in this alone, no one understands, and this is how life is meant to be. I am meant to struggle and this road is definitely is much harder that other’s.

God interrupted my life in such a way, literally forced this Scripture, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” But what truth I needed to learn and I needed to be set free from was the question I asked. Defeat mentality was the answer. I looked at every situation from a victim mentality. I associated every struggle with my single mom status. He reminded me this is my current role in life and not my identity. My identity is in Jesus. His Word is very true to my situation, too, that when He said I can do all things through Him, I can effectively fulfill my role even as a single mom while not neglecting my other responsibilities. His strength would be my strength. I can then take on His thoughts by filling my mind with the truths found in His Word.

Now instead of feeling sorry for myself I decided to use my story to help others while glorifying God in the process. I started writing. I created a blog focused on the very issues I faced as a single mother which led me to form a non-profit to help other single mothers in need. In order for me to effectively and authentically write anything and be able to relate to others, I had to become the very words I am writing about. And it is clear that we see half of the reason why we have to go through our very own struggles and be able to overcome is so that we can be a blessing to others. 

Roman 12:2 says “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” When I read this Scripture the other day the word “let” stuck out to me. We let this world, people and our circumstances shape us instead of “letting” God. So how will we allow God to help us on our parenting journey? His love is waiting to embrace each and everyone of us. 

And even as a single parent, when we purpose to live within the priorities of God, it will lead to a life of no regrets. Because living a life within the priorities of God is not only for couples, it’s a lifestyle for all of us, married or single. Our first ministry begins at home, and when we live a balanced life, God will see to it that we have everything we need.

If you’re a single mother, don’t think for one moment that God has forgotten about you. God has so much love and compassion; that through Jesus Christ, He has given you everything you need to raise your family with nothing missing and nothing lacking! Let us surrender our mommy guilt to Him, shall we?

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IMG_0884 - Cynthia MontourCynthia Montour, is a writer and author. She is also the founder of Hope Deferred, Inc., a non-profit organization that is dedicated to empowering the lives of women by demonstrating God’s love.

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