Dear God, How Could Losing My Child Fit Into Your Perfect Plan

God Is Good Miscarriage

“You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.” – Psalm 119:68

April 21, 2016 was not a day that I would chalk up as God showing his goodness; quite honestly it would be the complete opposite at first glance.

I was 11 weeks pregnant, what started as spotting in the afternoon became full-fledged bleeding in the evening. And by 9 pm, my husband and I were met with the words from the ultrasound tech “there is no heartbeat.” 

A miscarriage at 11 weeks, how could this happen?  Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I had more questions than answers.

I’ve been a Christian for most of my life, and tried really hard to recite God’s truths:  that He is good, that He is sovereign, but I just didn’t understand how this could fit into God’s perfect plan.

Around 2 am the worst was behind me and now my uterus was starting to contract back to size and the pain was comparable to labor cramps, except there would be no healthy, screaming baby at the end.

That’s when the reality of what just happened sunk in and I started sobbing, screaming at God with all my unanswered questions and how this wasn’t fair.  Didn’t He know this was my heart’s desire, how I struggle with infertility?

In the still of the night, I heard God say, “I know.”  What should’ve brought comfort enraged me more, that the God who inspired the Bible, the words of wisdom in Proverbs, the poems in Psalms only had two words for me, which at the time provided little comfort because I couldn’t understand or quite frankly probably didn’t want to understand at that time.

The only form of solace I would accept was having this be a terrible nightmare that would be gone in the morning.

Lazada PhilippinesIt wasn’t until the next day when I prayed and reflected on the past night that I realized God’s meaning of those two words, “I know.” He cares so much that He answered my cries last night.  He didn’t turn His back on me after my screams.  He reached out to show me He cares. He knows first hand the heartache of this world, because He came down to this world as flesh and because of the hurt and anguish of this world He knew He needed to complete His Father’s plan by dying on the cross so that we could be united with Him again.

My sweet friends, that is true love.

God is good. We serve a God who couldn’t just sit up on His throne and let sin win, to let the heartache of this world be the end.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world!” John 16:33

Amen!

Although, I most likely will not understand why my sweet baby went to heaven that day, I rest assured that my God is good.  What most of my life was solely a Christian cliché to me that I would quickly reiterate to my friends in their times of trials, became so real to me in the wee hours of that morning- that God is truly good.

This life is not going to be perfect, far from it.  He wants us to get real and raw with Him, to cry out to Him in times of despair, to share our deepest, darkest secrets with Him, because He cares, He’s good.

Teach me the ways of your goodness God! Let me see your goodness in ALL areas of my life.

Lazada PhilippinesFriends, use those darkest moments to gain more understanding of God’s character. He yearns for you to know Him and fully understand His character.

Jamie Krautwurst is a Christ-follower and a contributor at Proverbs 31 Woman


If you’ve suffered any kind of pregnancy loss—miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion—would you let us know in the comments? We would love to cover you in prayer today and ask the Lord to help you heal.


♡  If you like this story, you’ll love this too → Praising in the Storm of Miscarriage: When God Gives and Takes Away

Sign up for Proverbs 31 Woman newsletter!

Proverbs 31 Woman

Proverbs 31 Woman: SHepherding the virtuous woman's heart

Published by jamielynn0715

I am happily married to my high school sweetheart, a mother of two incredible little boys, a physician assistant in family medicine, but more importantly a follower of Jesus Christ.

13 thoughts on “Dear God, How Could Losing My Child Fit Into Your Perfect Plan

  1. Jamie,
    I feel sad with you over this. In the past 2 months 2 different friends have shared with me about having the same loss. I’ve been processing my own grief over having my family not look the way I desperately hoped it would (a child with a disability) and re-facing the pain each time I’m reminded that my life is different and hard.
    Someone reminded me lately that to allow the feeling of saddness and grief is to say that what you lost mattered. Thanks for writing this. Allowing God into our experience even the hard, confusing ones, is truly how to heal and move through

    Like

  2. Thanks Jamie this was great and I wish I had read this 5 years ago!It always seems when you are going through these trials that you are alone in your suffering. It never makes sense. You are right God is good and since that loss 5 years ago he has blessed us so much but I will never forget my first baby and the feeling of that loss has changed me forever. I remember not being able to sit in church without crying so for a period of time I stopped going because it was easier. I didn’t lean on Him like I should have and he still answered my desperate prayers of motherhood! His love is abounding and true!! Thanks again! Prayers for you and your family as you continue down this journey of loss may you continue to see God’s true nature because I know sometimes I can lose sight of it in my darkest moments!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing your story, it sounds a lot like ours as I too was in your shoes, just about the same time last year. Trusting God and his plan gave me peace, even though like you, we did not understand why he chose to take our baby, yet again. But we are forever thankful for our daughter, who is 4 years old and pray that if it is in his plan for us, that he chooses us to be blessed with another child in his timing. Thanking God for showing me this today, and praying for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jamie you are a very strong lady. It is said the baby after a tragedy you had is a rainbow baby. A gift of God’s love. Your baby in heaven will always be with you. Someday you will be blessed again once a baby has chosen you to love . There is a plan for you and your family and this will be the next step in your journey. You have a wonderful support from family and friends. Thank you for sharing this part of your life and reaching out to others.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is very timely, I just had MC today. Still painful but I know by God’s grace I can overcome it. God is good. Pls pray with me. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for this post. It really helps a lot. I lost my first baby due to an ectopic pregnancy in January and it’s too devastating because I wanted that baby. I got pregnant again after almost three months and thought that everything will be fine. I went through the same as you, had discomforts in the afternoon of July 14th and was rushed to the emergency room, the tech couldn’t find the heartbeat anymore.After having three ultrasounds, still no beating heart. I lost the baby just in July 17th and the baby was on her 13th week when it happened. She would be 16 weeks by now 😦

    Like

    1. Oh Rizzy, I am so sorry for your losses. It’s such a. Devastating experience and to then go through it twice I can’t imagine. Will keep you in my prayers!

      Like

  7. Thank you for your post. I’ve just lost my second in the space of a few months. I miscarried my first at 5 weeks and my second a couple of weeks ago at 10.5 weeks. I never got to see scans of them. I’ve been a Christian since childhood but boy I am wrestling with God on this. I am so angry! The loss and the robbed identity of mumma is devastating me. We just have our two babies in heaven and no other children yet. The fear of never being mum to a live baby is immense.

    Like

Leave a Reply to Katie strizak Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: