“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.” — 1 Corinthians 12:7-10
For an epoch of love, I was there –- in all my messiness, disorder, bewilderment. A heap of half-broken things I cover up with fancy dresses and I would like to call my happiness. We used to scatter ourselves to clubs, dirty martinis and drunken spam breakfasts by the street.
I was Single. Too scared to believe that indeed solace could only be found, but only in the comfort of my own embrace. Unfortunately the cause was the effect of a larger, more ugly monster that haunted me for years.
I’ve always believed I was God’s favorite girl, giving me everything I prayed for–except one thing. I used to pray every single night to give me back a lost love. Or at least replace it immediately. But like a rub of salt in a wound, all I hear was a deafening silence. I got tired eventually, I stopped.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” Isaiah 55:8-9
I stopped waiting on God. I stopped looking for Mr. Right. After all, life waits for NO single woman.
Then, men started to appear in my life without invitation. But, my heart was cold. I knew trying isn’t a choice, I didn’t want to make up some hearts-and-roses foolish story to recount to my girlfriends. My responses to commitment were oddly similar to those displayed by a victim drowning. I was a victim grasping for safety, suffocating, fearing for heartbreak.
But truth is, I actually never got tired of falling madly in love over and over again. Only, I got wiser each after each.
Then, just when I stopped, life revealed series of events that lead to exact time last year. God didn’t give the lost love despite my incessant nightly whining because little did I know, there was something brewing better than that– a love unimaginable, so unreal I never thought such exists. A love unbelievably greater than first love. So great, first love died. My Father repaid the years of ignored loneliness and pangs of heartbreak, I even have some more cents for a change.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:18-19
The beginning started so quietly. I didn’t even notice it happening. Had it been up to me, I would’ve remained forever in the grey area of uncoupled bliss. Instead, this time, I swallowed my fear. After all, he and I were madly in love. We adore each other. It was in that moment of a sweet September, that very instance, when my beloved request for my reluctant hand in fairytale.
I was reborn.
His name is TJ– the quintessential catch. Had I thrown him back, I feared I would never come across love like this again. He is my fairytale’s prince. The one who never fails to give me flowers when I come home. The one who can make thousands of miles seem shorter. The one who tries hard to conceal his rage after I mowed almost all his left eyebrow. The man who is a million other things.
He would always give in first. His love for me is far greater than maintaining his foolish pride. And like a good boyfriend, he would eventually see things my way and swallow his need to be right. Until now, my imperfections were charming and my mistakes, forgivable.
Little by little, all the dramas became unnecessary. He built the world I want rather than creating it myself. Suddenly, I was too happy, too complete, too contented to forget what Friday nights, and all other 20’s foolishness mean. Happiness started to take no effort. I felt brand new. I changed three hundred sixty.
My heart sighs heaven. And yes, it’s true. God has perfect timing: never early, never late. It takes a little patience and a whole lot of faith, but it’s always, always worth the wait.
And to you, my birthday
boy… my Mr. Right, who faced the same struggles before we found each other:
“You carry away with you a part of me reflected in you. When your love struck me, it dissolved me. Deep down, I am not different from you. I dreamed you, I wished for your existence. And if I came to love you, it means I am reborn. We share the same fantasies, we share the same madness.”
If you’re here with a beaten heart and are being challenged to trust God, scroll below to read my prayer for you:
I pray that your heart will find comfort in the promises of our Father. That you will always remember the promises He had fulfilled for you in the past, big and small. Let those become a reminder that this is nothing new. He will redeem you, He will uplift you, He will pick up your broken pieces once again.
May He bless you with strength to endure the pain of waiting. Know that in this pangs of hurt, you are being called to lean on Him and invest your love on Him. Because unlike anything or anyone in this world, He never forsakes, He never turns His back, He requites more than the amount of love you are capable of giving.
I pray for your faith while you wait blindly. For I know He has beautiful plans being painted for you. May you be strong against temptation to not trust the One who never fails..